Blinding Moments of Unconviction

a december saturday

2012-01-31T09:54:00.000-08:00

This has been a strange pre-winter, both meteorologically and astrologically. The precipitations are refusing to accept their lot in life at this time of year.......refusing to lose all sense of personal space by laying their white bodies down together in blankets of huddled and intermingled snow. In their belligerent denial, they frantically and individually cling to whatever they can find during the gravitational fall rather than resigning themselves to sharing the earth with the other precips. This wintry pose doesn't seductively lure us to touch, caress, or wrestle with it some way. It is a state in which we lower our faces as close as we can to the freeze mob sculptures, taking care not to assault it with our warm breath, and lurk in awe of the beauty created by their moodiness.
I, too, have not been in the mood to welcome this season with open arms. I have found myself doing whatever it takes to claim my personal space, clinging to whatever corners I can find, taking on a sharp swordlike appearance in an effort ward off ........well, everyone. I'm sure I will settle into this uninvited season in my life. Despite my harsh, bristly exterior, I am also fragile enough to be softened with just a wisp of wam breath.

backcountry with my boy

2012-01-28T10:15:00.000-08:00

From down below it was a cloudy, grey, stay in bed kind of day.

We just needed to rise above

South Africa.....Untamed

2012-01-27T16:32:00.000-08:00

We spent our last afternoon in Capetown only getting our toes wet at the vast Kiirstenbosch Botanical Garden. It was hot and we were a little road weary, but I still personally felt quite moved by the symbiotic relationship created with natural beauty intermingled with the manmade art and sculptures .

We even got to witness a wedding ceremony.

My absolute favorite was a temporary exhibition called "Untamed" It is a living wall, a set of solar panels, incredible sculptures, heart defibrillation poetry and a fine example of architecture ' by sculptor Dylan Lewis, architect Enrico Daffonchio and psychologist, psychiatrist and writer Ian McCallum. It somehow was a visceral summary of what my trip to South Africa has meant to me and how it has changed me. Being in South Africa was awake up and smell the red tea, re-member, re-connect and reflect on our part in the natural order of things or we will fast lose what we have ---we are interconnected in our humanness and our earthiness.

"when we look at the world as a mirror, when we discover that our sense of freedom and authenticity is linked to the well being and authenticity of others - and that includes the animals, the trees and the land." Ian McCullam. This is how I would sum up my two weeks here in this part of the world in 50 words or less.

It was the poetry that really got to me.

'Having turned a blind eye to the fact that we are part of nature's great diversity, we have become ecologically unintelligent',
Ian McCallum

One day
your soul will call to you
with a holy rage.
“Rise up!” it will say …
Stand up inside your own skin.
Unmask your unlived life …
feast on your animal heart.
Unfasten your fist …
let loose the medicine
in your own hand.
Show me the lines …
I will show you the spoor
of the ancestors.
Show me the creases …
I will show you
the way to water.
Show me the folds …
I will show you the furrows
for your healing.
“Look!” it will say …
the line of life has four paths –
one with a mirror
one with a mask,
one with a fist,
one with a heart.
One day,
your soul will call to you
with a holy rage.

We have to stop speaking about the Earth being in need of healing. The Earth does not need healing.
We do. Our task is to rediscover ourselves in Nature. It is an individual choice. And how or where do we begin? We begin exactly where we are right now, when we look at the world as a mirror, when we discover that our sense of freedom and authenticity is linked to the well being and authenticity of others - and that includes the animals, the trees and the land. ~ Ian McCallum

Homecoming
You have come this far...
keep moving...don't turn back.
No one holds the measure
of their own undoing....no one,
the meaning of their dying.
Hold what lives
behind the masks
of your own making...
the music of your wild name.
Know that every tumble,
every turn on your twisting path
is a dance within a living
church of elements...
a sanctuary of stars
wings, breath and bone
where the masks of your making
are undone. ~ Ian McCallum

Have we forgotten

That wilderness is not a place,

But a pattern of the soul Where every tree, every bird and beast

Is a soul maker?

Have we forgotten

That wilderness is not a place

But a moving feast of the starts,

Footprints, scales and beginnings?

Since when did we become afraid of the night

And that only the bright starts count?

Or that our moon is not a moon

Unless it is full?

By who’s command

Were the animals

Through groping fingers,

One for each hand,

Reduced to the big and little five?

Have we forgotten

That every creature is within us

Carried by tides

Of earthly blood

And that we named them?

Have we forgotten

That wilderness is not a place

But a season

And that we are in its final hour.

the cradle of humankind

2012-01-27T16:29:00.000-08:00

I saw first hand the fruits of humans being kind on our way to the Cradle of Humankind. Emmy and Ansel laughed, hugged, and played cards on the 2 hour drive from Johannesburg. I had to capture the way his arms were wrapped around her waist.

The Cradle of Humankind is a place of major significance. It was here we first became human. Here where we first stood upright on our own two, rather oddly shaped, feet, explored the uses to which we could put our usefully opposed thumbs, and experimented with more and more sophisticated grunts as we tried to make sense of our environment. Its also the place where 1.8 million years ago we first "domesticated" fire. Little Foot is a child fossil over 3 million years' old. The poor child fell through a hole in the roof of the caves, died and was fossilized to be found in the present day. Thousands of other hominid and animal fossils have been found here, and the caves and museum are fascinating to see. We had a guide that was both hilarious and informative. I mentioned in an earlier post that their is a certain heartbeat that I feel here in Africa.....as if this is where the blood is recycled and sent to the rest of the world. This is the place that we first became human. It is a strong presence. I was so excited to be here.

Some tight spots. Duane (Corey's Dad overcame his paralyzing fear of caves and came with us, never evening fainting once that I was aware of.)

. A bronze statue of Robert Bloom, the man who discovered the Australophiticus Africanus, is located towards the end of the tour. It is said that touching his nose will make you smarter. I can't remember what you were supposed to touch to make you wiser. I must have touched that part because I am definitely NOT smarter.

I'm not sure that we have evolved all that much

On our way home, we were stopped by a strike in the middle of the freeway. Cars were just stopped while people danced, drank and jumped on cars. There was litter everywhere. Initially, it was exciting to be a part of the political process of expressing dismay through party. It soon became scary as we could see that people were becoming more intoxicated and seemingly a little more angry.

Have we come all that far in the past 3 million years?

South Africa.....The Wildlife

2012-01-24T11:43:00.000-08:00

South Africa...The food

2011-11-24T21:48:00.000-08:00

To sum up our culinary experience in South Africa, I would say: The cheese and ice cream were unbelievably delicious. The meat was too gamey and popular. I'm not a meat lover and vegetarianism is almost an insult here. Not enough fresh fruits and vegetables. Fish was fantastic.

our meal in Soweto. I'm not sure what everything was, but I will not be eating cow tongue again.

Our South African fellow tourist travelers couldn't believe that we weren't familiar with this "companion to every meal" It tasted like straight bouillon to me and some people spread it on their bread like butter.
Honestly, with the name like marmite, it screams rodent jerky. That is exactly what it tasted like. No thanks.

Oh, how we had such fun with the candy bars and snacks. Our favorite was the p.s. bar, which is like eating a personal valentine. One of our safari guides told us that he used to give them to girls he fancied, with messages such as, "Watcha doin' later, or I miss you," to be taken quite seriously. America, what is wrong with your chocolate? Please, get it together and bring the Nosh bar and P.S. bar here soon. And why are our potato chips so boring?

There is no root beer in South Africa. The closest you can get is this ginger beer. And just ask Ansel; it is not even close.

Emmy will be permanently radioactive after drinking this creme soda.

Bags of Macadamia nuts for about two dollars. I kick myself everyday for not throwing away all my clothes and filling my suitcase with these. Stupid Stupid Stupid

Even though they are exciting and mysterious in name, they are not worth repeating in taste. Emmy said that they taste like barbecued chicken in a bad way.

One unforgettable meal was in Hout Bay. The clam chowder was unforgettable and the fish was........let's just say that it is one of those things that I will forever crave.

We did have to resort to a few petrol station meals. This breakfast drink was actually fantastic. I am on a search to find someone that sells it here in the U.S.

I can't believe that I never tasted ostrich. I think it was because it seemed like such a tourist attraction food.

Ansel and I both loved the Rooibos( Pronounced Roy-Boss), also known as Bush Tea. The red bush is a native shrub of south Africa, where people have made tea from it for hundreds of years and is used by some tribes for medicinal purposes for treatment of hay fever symptoms, asthma, eczema and to soothe heartburn, ease the pain of stomach ulcers and relieve nausea. I didn't notice any magical powers, but I didn't get sick in South Africa. We were at a Halloween party recently where the kids were offered hot chocolate. Ansel replied, "I don't like hot chocolate, but I would love some Bush tea".

South Africa......the land

2011-11-24T21:00:00.000-08:00

south africa.....the people

2011-11-24T20:47:00.000-08:00

We do not know, we do not know. We shall live from day to day, and put more locks on the doors and get a fine fierce dog when the fine fierce dog next door has pups, and hold on our handbags more tenaciously; and the beauty of the trees by night, and the raptures of lovers under the stars, these things we shall forego. We shall forego the evening walk over the star-lit veld. We shall be careful, and knock off our lives, and knock that off our lives, and hedge ourselves about with safety and precaution. And our lives will shrink, but they they shall be the lives of superior beings; and we shall live with fear, but at least it will not be a fear of the unknown. And the conscience shall be thrust down; the light of life shall not be extinguished, but be put under a bushel to be preserved for a generation that will live by it again in some day not yet come.

Cry the beloved country, for the unborn child that is the inheritor of our fear. LEt him not love the earth too deeply. Let him not laugh too gladly when the water runs through his fingers, nor stand too silent when the setting sun makes red the veld with fire. Let him not be too moved when the birds of his land are singing, nor give too much of his heart to a mountain or a valley. For fear will rob him of all if he gives too much.

There is one thing that has power completely, and that is love. Because when a man loves, he seeks no power, and therefore he has power. I see only one hope of our country, and that is when white men and black men, desiring neither power nor money, but desiring only the good of their country, come together to work for it.

Cry the Beloved Country........Alan Paton

We had more than a few people tell us to be careful when we traveled to South Africa in September to visit Corey's parents. We were told that we should rent a gun at the airport, keep our car windows up and locked, don't drink the water or eat the food, watch out for deadly snakes, leave jewelry or expensive cameras at home. I have to admit that I grew a little nervous, especially when a few people responded with an obvious edge disappointment that we would put the lives of our children in danger. Were we being reckless? I tucked my wedding ring in my closet and left my nice camera at home. I wasn't in the country 24 hours before this fear was dissolved quickly by the love that I felt for the people here. Again, I have put off writing about our international trip with the sickening realization that I can never adequately express how the introduction to a new part of the world has changed me. I just can't do it, but I have to fail at trying rather than fail to try.

I couldn't get over these miles and miles of endless shantytowns. The words of U2 kept going through my mind. I listened to this song about 1000 times my junior year in high school. In fact, I would have no idea what apartheid was, if not for Bono. I didn't know what I could do about this and about the pollution that Geneva Steel was coughing into our air, but I did let these things bug me as much as a seventeen year old could be bugged.

In the shit house a shotgun
Praying hands hold me down
Only the hunter was hunted
In this tin can town
Tin can town

No stars in the black night
Looks like the sky fell down
No sun in the daylight
Looks like it's chained to the ground
Chained to the ground
The warden said
The exit is sold
If you want a way out
Silver and gold

Broken back to the ceiling
Broken nose to the floor
I scream at the silence, it's crawling
It crawls under the door
There's a rope around my neck
And there's a trigger in your gun
Jesus say something
I am someone, I am someone
I am someone

Captain and kings
In the ships hold
They came to collect
Silver and gold
Silver and gold

Seen the coming and going
Seen them captains and the kings
See them navy blue uniforms
See them bright and shiny things
Bright shiny things

The temperature is rising
The fever white hot
Mister, I ain't got nothing
But it's more than you got

Chains no longer bind me
Not the shackles at my feet
Outside are the prisoners
Inside the free
Set them free
Set them free

A prize fighter in a corner is told
Hit where it hurts
Silver and gold
Silver and gold

" Yep, silver and gold... This song was written in a hotel room in New York city 'round about the time a friend or ours, little Steven, was putting together a record of artists against apartheid. This is a song written about a man in a shanty town outside of Johannesburg. A man who's sick of looking down the barrel of white South Africa. A man who is at the point where he is ready to take up arms against his oppressor. A man who has lost faith in the peacemakers of the west while they argue and while they fail to support a man like bishop Tutu and his request for economic sanctions against South Africa.
Am I buggin' you? I don't mean to bug ya..."

I also had these words memorized.

Our first day in South Africa.

The school where we picked up Massie, the granddaughter of our tour guide through Soweto.

These kids asked if we were movie stars

This is Thoba Karl-Halla with her grand-daughter. She is a friend of Corey's parents and was kind enough to spend the day giving us an enlightened tour of Soweto, the largest township in South Africa and a hotbed of activity during the Apartheid movement. Thoba had personal stories to tell of being arrested when she didn't have her i.d. card with her, and being scared much of the time. Her mother was Julia Mavimbela, who was very much involved in the Soweto community back in the 70's during Apartheid. She organized 'Women for Peace', a group that 'aimed to form a peaceful transition to true democracy in South Africa'. She was one of very few black women to receive a college education and the first black female school principals in South Africa. She became a widow at a young age when her husband was killed in a "car accident". She led an organization to help women "overcome illiteracy, crime, disease, unjust laws that make African women feel helpless and hopeless. I can't think of a better way to begin our two weeks in this country.

Our first stop was the current home of Nelson Madela. The security guard allowed us to get out and take a few pictures.

Our next stop was the Roman Catholic church, Regina Mundi, which earned the reputation of being one of the main centres of anti-apartheid activism. During the Soweto uprising of June 16th 1976, students who marched against the requirement imposed by the apartheid government that Afrikaans replace English as the language of instruction fled to Regina Mundi. The police entered the church, firing live ammunitions. No one was killed, although many were injured and the church itself, as well as its furniture, decorations, and symbols (for example the marble altar and the statue of Christ), were damaged. Both the interior and the external walls of the church still bear the signs of the shootings.
Hector Pieterson was a 12-year-old boy who was killed by a stray bullet shot by over-zealous police; he was only one of over five hundred who died during the riots.

This is the famous photo of Hector after he was shot by police.

Ansel and Massie in front of Nelson Mandela's home in Soweto, where he lived when he was arrested.

Massie teaches Ansel a game called "Ketto?" which seemed a bit like jax, but played with rocks.

We snuck out of church for a little while to get a feel for the neighborhood. Part of my was scared by what we saw. Most of me was angry for being scared and determined to not let this fear become a wall.

This event occurred the first few weeks of my senior year, and I remember it well because, as I mentioned above, I was obsessed with U2 and felt that dancing to the music somehow made me political. I actually thought that my enthusiasm somehow contributed to this revolution. This seems ridiculous, right? But don't you think it strange that Bono attended Desmond Tutu's 80th birthday party here in Capetown a few days after we were at this very spot in Capetown?

Funny tourists

11-11-11 at 11:11

2011-11-17T16:32:00.000-08:00

Halloween

2011-11-17T16:02:00.000-08:00

Making skittles out of skids

2011-11-08T11:26:00.000-08:00

I dropped the kids off at school and began my focused missions for the day. Less than 5 minutes and 2 miles later, my mission was momentarily stalled while I waited for the car in front of me to turn left in one of those maddening places where it takes forever to find an open spot to sneak through. I saw a car in my rear view mirror also waiting for the said car to turn left. Just as the car found its opportunity, before I could put my foot on the gas pedal, I heard a loud crash and in less than the second that it took me to register that the car behind me had been hit, I was the recipient of the 2nd hand crash when the hit car then smacked into me. It wasn't that forceful, but I was rattled with a substantial amount of annoyance and irritability, knowing what would happen next....the waiting for the police, the exchange of information, the delay of my day, the trips to the body shop, etc. etc. Plus, it was freezing and I didn't want to get out of my car.
Regardless, I got out of my car and immediately surmised that the damage to the other cars had been quite bad. An elderly man limped out of his car, a cast already on his left foot. The entire front of his car was smashed like an accordion with smoke and lethal green battery acid pouring over the street. He was obviously in shock, but made a point to apologize and tell us all that it was his fault, that his foot had slipped from his brake pedal. I offered him my cell phone, but he confessed that he had never used a cell phone and his hands were shaking too badly to use it, even if he knew how. I called his daughter at work and she said she was on her way in a tone that revealed that she knew this day would come. The man refused to sit down and was worried about the two dogs in his car. The driver of the second vehicle came out and was surprisingly calm and pleasant. We called the police and a fire engine came quickly to diffuse the acid situation. A few people ran over to make sure we were ok and to offer assistance. One woman who had just finished an all night shift of work and was heading to her second job, gave up her free hour to give the police a witness report and offer hot coffee to anyone else waiting. Another woman came out of her house to offer the dogs a warm place to wait.
It did take a long time. It was freezing. It did take a big chunk out of my day.
But it wasn't annoying.
How could I be mad at a cute, rattled 89 year old man who hasn't quite come to terms with his aging body?
I got to meet people that I would never have met otherwise.
I saw my community in kind and thoughtful action.
A nice distraction from my focused missions.

I swear I am not wishing you an unhappy birthday

2011-10-27T23:26:00.000-07:00

October 17th was Corey's 39th birthday. Here is a photo documenting our celebration. It was a hoot, obviously. I don't know what Moriarty put a curse upon this day. but I swear it wasn't me. I openly confess to the leading role that I have played in the destruction of all possible glee for at least two of these October seventeenths, but the other botched birthdays have been beyond my control. Filled with stalwart determination, I challenged our unnamed nemesis, vowing that this year would be the year of OUR victory. Our foe will cower while we bathe ourselves in the spoils of this war...... Corey falling asleep with a smile in his heart and the knowledge that he is loved.....that karma had finally rewarded his time living deliberately on this earth with an nod of approval. The kids and I combined forces and tried to follow all the rules of a good birthday.

1. Gifts thoughtfully purchased and even more thoughtfully designed and customized. Check
2. Pre-work morning acknowledgment and texts of endearment during the day. Check
3. Favorite meal prepared and waiting for him when he returns from his rough day at work. Check
4. Cake ready. Check
5. Table specially set with a surprising change of table runner and 4 ambient candles. Check
6. Family seated together to radiate our love and appreciation. Check
7. Open gifts, enjoy an unforgettable meal, and take photos of him blowing out 39 candles on his cake while he wishes only for another birthday equal to this in greatness. UPCHUCK.

I initially aligned myself with the dinner table, only to moments later become a defector and swear my allegiance to the toilet bowl for remainder of the evening, leaving Corey to feed the troops, clean up his own birthday dinner, and wipe vomit from the tip of my nose. The poor cake was abandoned. After the expulsion of the entirety of my innards, when my mind would finally accept any material other than survival, this thought enrolled itself into my school of thought:

"I seem to be the common denominator in the demolitions of this day of Doady's deliverance." (Doady is my nickname for Corey and I had to remain true to my alliteration.)

Next year will be better? Next year will be better. Next year will be Better!

There I go again, making his day all about me.

Cross it off the Bucket List

2011-10-26T00:07:00.000-07:00

Years ago, when we first moved to Spokane, one of my first bike rides took me south of town on Hangman Valley Road. I was enchanted by the deer grazing in the fields, the lack of traffic, the peaceful atmosphere, and "the house." There is something about abandoned, crumbing houses that get my adrenaline going. Seven years later, we moved only two miles away from "the house." and my running/walking/biking route has taken me within view of "the house" hundreds of times. I would have ventured into the home years ago, if not for this darn creek and its scary, mysterious contents. Judging from all the living and dead snakes, coyotes, and porcupine that I have seen on the outskirts of this creek, I am fairly certain of what lurks in the surrounding tall grasses. There is also the small matter of my close to certainty that it is on private property and the wide open space around the house would leave me vulnerable to protective property owners/hunter and their shotguns( We are close to Idaho, after all). But still, the house called to me every time I passed. It was an itch left unscratched.....a final episode of a season series unseen......an easter egg left unfound. I knew that one day I would go. It must have been the ghosts of the history of that home that whispered in my ear one late summer day when I was feeling that my life was a sad list of goals left unfinished. If I couldn't get my kids to do one remotely productive thing all summer, I could at least do something that I have wanted to do.

This is the creek. It doesn't look all that daunting, but take my word for it when I say that it is scary. I normally love water, but there is something about this creek that gives me the creeps. It took me a while to get into the water and I immediately sunk into slimy, miasmic mud, moss creeping around my legs, and fish nibbling at my unshaven knees. I was panicked, but had to go on. Once I was across, I clawed my way up the banks, hoping not to mistake a snake for a blade of grass, or even worse, see a dead body. The grass was almost to my shoulders and this was a little exciting and terrifying at the same time. My legs were itching, but I had a sense of accomplishment because I thought I had made it across.......only to find another hidden arm of the creek, just as uninviting as the first. I had no idea how deep it was going to be, mostly because the mud could sink me a feet or fathoms deeper than it appeared. When it got to my chest, I became worried. I was holding my cell phone above my head and hoped I could spare it from a swim. I have the photos to prove that I did.

I made it! Other than the fear that I would be shot any minute, I indulged in the comforting embrace of someone else's history.....someone who lived here and had stories to tell. I did my best to listen. Even though I didn't know details, I could feel something. Pain and happiness, life and death.

After I was full, I couldn't bring myself to cross back over the creek. I decided to head west, knowing that somewhere along the way, I would reach the freeway and could walk back home that way. In retrospect, I'm not sure which way was worse. I had to climb over barbed wire fences, shove my way through daggered branches, shuffle through stinging nettle, run from a few barking dogs, and endure the stings of at least 8 wasps.

This picture doesn't adequately portray the damage to my legs.

And this looks pretty, right? It's the devil in disguise.

BUT I DID IT.

I ACTUALLY ACCOMPLISHED A GOAL

These little things can be big for a mother of a teen-ager who unvociferously reminds her every day that she is failing as a mother.

Oh, and the next time I passed the house, it was GONE. Weird, huh?

I do believe in ghosts.....sometimes.

September Spokefest 2011

2011-10-23T22:37:00.000-07:00

The throngs

Before we join the throngs.

Emmy was recovering from a vaccination gone wrong and so Savanna's friend, Emma, took her place.

Even though he really wanted to, Ansel wasn't quite ready to do the mileage on his own. He got to be a passenger on the "Big Dummy." the bike Corey built. Quite a few people came up to Corey to ogle and praise the contraption.

Can you believe I actually caught Savanna smiling before 9 am......on a bike? Miracles do happen.

Waiting to start....Savanna may be a little upset that we arrived way too early....extra minutes that could have been spent in bed on a weekend morning.

Still waiting

Corey and my shadow

After the ride. It got quite hot, but the kids all did great. Shall we do the 42 miler next year?

It helped having Ansel buddy Spencer ride along with us most of the way.

Ansel wanted a chance to ride on his own....away from the throngs of wheels and spokes.

Valhala, Canada

2011-09-23T22:54:00.000-07:00

swimming lessons

2011-09-23T22:53:00.001-07:00

backcountry truck camping

2011-09-23T22:53:00.000-07:00

Braces

2011-09-23T22:52:00.000-07:00

BEFORE

AFTER: I still can't get her to hope her mouth

huckleberry day

2011-09-23T22:51:00.000-07:00

sandpoint, idaho

2011-09-23T22:50:00.000-07:00

other fun stuff in Utah

2011-09-23T22:45:00.000-07:00

PENDING

Superheroes working after hours

2011-09-23T18:51:00.000-07:00

Snowbird Weekend

2011-09-23T17:30:00.000-07:00

MORE TO COME......just a sneak peak

feeding the fishes after they fed themselves.....Utah 2011

2011-09-23T16:43:00.000-07:00

Paragliding

2011-09-23T16:41:00.000-07:00

THE PARAGLIDING POSSE

I tend to get a little attitude when I where helmets.

Carrie impresses the instructors with he skills

Man down

This isn't us.................yet

The Great Salt Lake

2011-09-23T16:38:00.000-07:00

I come from rough and tough stock

Family Reunion....June 30th - July 5th 2011

2011-09-23T16:33:00.000-07:00

MORE TO COME...Here is just a sample.

moab and arches

2011-09-23T14:46:00.000-07:00

Escalante/Goblin Valley

2011-09-23T14:03:00.000-07:00

Next Stop Bryce

2011-09-23T10:18:00.000-07:00

zion=home

2011-09-20T21:43:00.000-07:00

SSummer is now officially over and I have yet to document any of it. I think that is a sign of a successful summer. I will start with the photos and add the commentary later. I feel swamped by our adventures. It ithe nicest way to be swamped.

Sasquatch 2011...May 2011...yes, that is how far I am behind, and yes, I do intend to catch up

2011-09-19T20:48:00.000-07:00

Corey and I were able to spend two entire days at the annual Sasquatch festival this year. We've have gone for a

day in the past, but were inhibited by the needed care and protection of our wee ones. We were comfortable this

year with leaving them in the hands of my sister and brother in law in Albion. We could have gone for the entirety

of the festival, but I was there was a little too much free love and free drugs for my liberal, but NOT THAT liberal

taste. Each year that I grow older, I seem to appreciate music a little more. My theory is that with life comes

experiences and an expanded range of emotion which lends to the appreciation of live music on a deeper and more

personal level. You know how there is always that one random old man or woman tearing up the front with their

unabashed love for music, almost to the point that you begin to worry that their skin may fall off whilst getting their

next groove on? I'm sure that is going to be me someday. .l

THE HEAD AND THE HEART.......Worth the whole show. Best new artist for me.

MODEST MOUSE....I was excited to see them live, but they seemed to lack a little....hum.......soul........

soberness,........or possibly humility. Not worth staying till the end.

DAN MANGAM: My favorite new solo artist. Doesn't he just reek of humble Canadianness?

COLD WAR KIDS. Corey loved these guys. It was a little too

rock and roll for me.

Bright Eyes....didn't seem to want to show his eyes. This was a strange performance. I have always enjoyed the

rants and squacky protests that Conor has to offer, but tonight he was downright preachy. Annoying. Hope it is

just a phase.

BEACH HOUSE. Liked her voice, but could quite get into it.

MATT AND KIM.....I want them to come live with me and get me up in the morning. Loved them.

Half the fun of Sasquatch is watching all the people who would come to a concert wearing a costume rendering them completely unable to watch the concert.

FLAMING LIPS......ALL FROSTING........no cake. Frosting is good for the first few bites, but then it just makes

you sick.

FLOGGING MOLLY: Best band to dance in a big group with. I loved this. Corey tolerated it.

DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE.....My favorite re-peat concert. Although I didn't recognize the thinner, less fun uncle sort

of Ben Gibbard, none of his honesty and depth has been lost. Got goosebumps.

more delightful mother-son chats

2011-09-16T11:39:00.000-07:00

Me, "Ansel, I noticed that all the other kids kiss or hug their parents when they say good-bye at the school, while you, on the other hand, run away or do a blacktop belly flop when I try to hug you. Maybe if you let me hug you once in a while, I wouldn't bug you so much."

Ansel. "Exactly, Mom. HUGGING EQUALS BUGGING."

a few days earlier

Me. "If you forget your lunch, would you like me to bring it to you or would you rather go hungry."

Ansel. "I'd rather go hungry."

Self-diagnosis in one very long sentence and one very short sentence

2011-09-15T17:22:00.000-07:00

Inspired by a recent visit to the doctor in which this particular doctor, not our regular physician, googled Emmy's symptoms into his computer while voicing his opinion that "you don't need a medical license anymore, you just need google," I decided to be my own health care advocate by googling my own symptoms, the results being that I may have ovarian cancer, uterine cancer, IBS, aspartame poisoning, Chrone's disease, anxiety disorder, colon cancer, multiple sclerosis, or possibly hypochondria.

Just call me Dr. Googlejudd.

First day of Second, Sixth, and Eighth.

2011-09-07T23:47:00.000-07:00

oh, the places my feet did go

2011-09-05T17:02:00.000-07:00

..........and now they are back under my computer desk where they don't belong.

jubilation 147...beware of frogs in your vitamins

2011-06-15T21:39:00.000-07:00

Me during an NPR program about major scams: "If someone tells you that they have the best Vitamin in the world, it is probably a fraud."

Ansel: "How would you fit a frog into a vitamin?"

jubilation 146....buying some time

2011-06-13T19:17:00.000-07:00

If you remember from a recent post, I had a bit of trouble grasping on to the concept of Ansel actually havimg front teeth. While we were at the U2 concert, he lost....and I mean lost, as in it fell out of his mouth and he couldn't find it, which is exactly the same predicament all of his naturally dislodged teeth have found themselves in. This time he had a babysitter who explained the situation to the tooth fairy. Unfortunately, the tooth fairy had an extremely late night and wasn't too tired to leave money, but was too tired to answer his question. According to my cousin's daughter, her tooth fairy is named Tautiania and it may have been Tautiania that left the money, but it is very unlike Tautiania not to leave a note or fairy dust. So for now, this tooth fairy remains anonymous. I don't care. I am just thrilled that Ansel has another empty space in his mouth, buying him a little growing up time.

jubilation 145.U2 in Seattle

2011-06-12T22:36:00.000-07:00

U2 and I have a complicated relationship that can best be explained through parable.

There once was a girl who, during her formative adolescent years, developed a deep and abiding friendship with someone we will call B3. The girl provided an appreciative listening ear, while B3 provided a safe place for this girl to channel much of her inexpressible and foreign emotions. B3 was simple, down to earth, passionate, angry, and infatuated with the world......just like the girl. The girl taped a poster of her friend in her room and often felt empathy pouring from this portion of the wall.

This mostly one-sided relationship continued to grow for several years.

But then the friend changed. Or the girl changed. Or both. B3 became a little to flashy and self-aware, wanting to please the now millions of other friends that had since been acquired. B3 bought fancy toys to impress his new friends. The girl grew up and tamed her raw emotions that were the foundation of this relationship. Whatever the reason doesn't matter. They grew apart. The girl no longer gave B3 a listening ear and B3 no longer spoke to the girl's heart.

So when the girl was given the opportunity to see her old friend again, she wondered if it would be too painful to see B3, to be reminded of what they once had and how far they had grown apart. But the girl hoped that no matter how much each of them had changed, they would still have the strength of their old memories to bond them, rendering this reunion memorable. I was right. I mean, the girl was right.

Plus, it is impossible not to have a great time with my cousin, Marika. We would have fun together at a farm equipment auction.

My devotion to U2 lies somewhere in the spectrum between this adoring, weeping fan (above) and this bored to death family (below).

Getting some help from astronaut Kelly in space.......not sure how Bono will ever be able to top this stunt.

We didn't have the best seats for the show, but we did have the best seat for a back view of the Harbor and a front view of Seattle's skyline.

My favorite part was when all the fancy lights were shut down and only the lights from cell phones and lighters could be seen. Now we were in space and Bono was playing "With or without you." I was taken back 20 years to a tentless night under a Moab night sky, listening to Joshua Tree on cassette tape, so seemingly close to the stars that I felt their hot breath on my face. It was nice to be with my old friend again.

jubilation 144 mountain biking with this guy

2011-06-12T17:49:00.000-07:00

This is steeper than it looks. I wouldn't descend without my feet on the ground and Corey made it look like a piece of fluffy, soft cake. I blamed it on the fact that my bike is more than 10 years old, too big for me, and doesn't have shocks. Plus I may still be a bit traumatized from a high school bike accident which left my ability to have children in question.

Corey took me straight to the bike shop and bought me a new bike. Great, now I'll have no excuses for not going down the devil's pathway.

jubilation 143....a flood of estrogen

2011-06-01T23:08:00.000-07:00

The flood

There were literally hundreds of little ducklings and goslings and my walk today. Those unfortunate souls who were talking on the phone with me when I ran into these gaggles, heard a hair-raising squeal at least 2 octaves higher than what is normal and only a few tones shy of ear-drum bursting.

jubilation 140,141,and 142

2011-06-01T23:00:00.000-07:00

Marshmallow Caterpillars

Well-intentioned men in suits handing out Bibles to Jr. High Students after school. Is this even legal?

More than enough water this spring

jubilation 139...planting time

2011-05-31T11:33:00.000-07:00

It is one of our family traditions each spring for the kids to choose and plant the annuals that will adorn our deck pots. This year, Ansel was the only one who wanted to participate. Only 3 years ago, Savanna tended her own plot of land for her personal flower garden. Nostalgia grows wildly in my fertile heart.

jubilation 138 ....out comes the mountain bike

2011-05-27T17:54:00.000-07:00

It was one of those days that I just wanted to keep going for hours....it doesn't happen often enough these days. I had to rush back in time to pick up the kids.

I'm always half expecting to find a dead body when I enter an abandoned bus or house.

Not a dead body.....but the product of someone who has a dead soul and thinks nothing of dumping a household of garbage in the middle of somewhere beautiful.

jubilation 137 ....star wars and stitchery

2011-05-26T22:18:00.000-07:00

Corey has been on a Star Wars kick. In fact, I have come to suspect that we are now finishing our basement so that Corey will have 1500 square feet to display and play with his 15 million star wars legos. I am calling this his Millenium Falcon Life Crisis. The other day, he was so agitated that I was certain he was going to tell me that he quit his job or that we were being sued. It turned out that he was just upset that he didn't have access to the Star Wars DVD's. It took him less than 24 hours to obtain episode 4,5 and 6.

Ansel has joined Corey in this obsession and they are quite the Jedi team. Ansel has also been pleasantly entwined in his new stitchery hobby. A sentence that has most likely never before been spoken in the history of the galaxy was heard in our house the other night:

"Dad, can I work on my stitchery while we watch The Empire Strikes Back?"

Finished project. And for those of you who are wondering what this is, Ansel would say,

"Duh, don't you know who the Washington State Cougars are?"

And for 50 cents, Ansel will teach you how to do stitchery. And for one dollar, he will make you a

project per your request.

Pretty Sweet Deal.

Jubilation 136.....still on earth with fire and brimstone

2011-05-25T19:29:00.000-07:00

Today was supposed to be the end of the world (May 21, 2011). Since the fire and brimstone didn't come to us, we decided to make our own. In hindsight, looking at these pictures, I can see the accident waiting to happen. No shoes and a slight wind. If judgement day did come today, Corey and I would surely lose our chances at rapture for being such horrible parents. All of these pictures were taken before Emmy walked on a hot coal and burned her foot enough to keep her hobbling for a few days. And all of these pictures were taken before Savanna put down her phone (she claimed she was reading Jack London's Into the Wild) and roasted a veggie burger and smore's.

Somehow, Ansel didn't end up with his lips burned off by putting his stick on his lips while blowing on it to cool it down.

jubilation 135....slow runner and william fitzsimmons

2011-05-23T22:48:00.000-07:00

Listened to some good music with Doady. Have I ever mentioned how our world has changed now that we have built-in babysitters?

jubilation 134...art therapy

2011-05-22T21:30:00.000-07:00

Ansel had to give a talk on Sunday. He did not want to give a talk on Sunday. Corey tried to do positive visualization art exercises

Ansel responded with this....

Meanwhile, Savanna spent the time doodling whimsical alphabets. She might be listening to the speaker, but I doubt it.

Ansel did an exceptional job on his talk and looked like picture #1.