A SESSION WITH DR. BLOG

Dr. Blog:  So What brings you Here Today?

 

ME:  Friend trouble

Dr. Blog:  What sort of friend trouble.  Please elaborate. 

ME:  Well, I had been anticipating the visit of one of my best friends for a long time.  I had prepared and been giddy with excitement for her arrival. I know I have mentioned her before.  I LOVE this friend.  

Dr. Blog:  So what is the problem?

ME:   The problem is that once this friend arrived, she has pretty much taken residence here.  She refuses to leave and has basically taken over our lives. She brought 6 feet of stuff and just keeps bringing more.  I think she is planning on moving in for while.

Dr. Blog:  And how does this make you feel?

ME.  I feel like as if my life is suspended in mid air.....like a pine cone on a fishing line. 

Dr. Blog:  Yes?

ME:  I feel a little trapped...boxed in....clausterphobic....like there is no where to go

Dr. Blog:  So you haven't enjoyed this friend's visit at all?

ME:  Oh, YES!  That is what makes this so hard.  Most of the time it has been great and I wish she would stay forever.  I have had so much fun with her.  

ME: She makes the world such a beautiful place.  One of those friends that just lights up a room wherever she goes.  

ME: I have been on walks with her and found myself brimming with tears at her beauty and delicate nature.

DR. BLOG:  Hmmm. And how do the kids feel about her being around all the time? 

ME:  They have a love/hate relationship with her as well.  The first week, they loved playing with her and would go outside with her as much as possible.  

ME: We had several family outings with her.

ME:  Emmy has snuggled with her many times.  They seem to be really close.  

ME: Ansel was a little shy with her during her stay last year.  This year, his fear has melted and he acts as if they have been best friends forever.  

ME: Savanna appreciates her beauty as well and noticed that she has so many intricacies.  Her personality can be flaky and deep at the same time.  She cushions you when you fall.  She is accommodating and will pretty much let you mold her into what you want.  She isn't one of those stubborn stuck in their ways friends.  

Dr. Blog:  And what about Corey?  How has he been dealing with her extended stay?  You have mentioned several times that he doesn't do well with company.

ME: Oh, he is the one that invited her in the first place.  She used to be the one friend that he said could move in with us.  That is saying a lot.  I think he has been confused by his feelings as well.  I should sign him up for a session.  I believe that he loves her more than I do.  But her stay and her stuff is really wearing him out.  He has to get up early every morning and move her stuff out of the way just to get to work.  This is has been back breaking for him.  She accidentally broke our snow-blower and Corey has tried to be patient with this.  We bought a home warranty with Sears, so they were supposed to come to our house to fix it.  Unfortunately, they are not capable of coming up our hill.  They say they will come when the snow is gone, but then why would we need a snow blower if the snow is gone? 

Dr. Blog:  You are going off on a tangent.  Let's redirect back to the issue at hand. 

Me: I'm sorry.  It has just been a weird few weeks for all of us.  

ME:  I think Corey just feels dumped on right now.  He can't seem to get ahead of all the work that this friend is creating enough to enjoy her presence.  Does that make sense? For example, we went to Boise last week and were delayed getting home because of the snow.  When we returned, she had made such a mess that it took hours in the dark for him to clean it up.  And then he took a few days off of work to go skiing with her.  But, again, he had to clean up the mess she had made during the night before we could go.

Dr. Blog:  And how did the ski trip go? 

ME:  We had so much fun skiing.  Ansel loved being with her and really took off.  Emmy had a great time as well.  The sunset on the way home was incredible.  We wouldn't have seen it without her. 

Dr. Blog:  So far, you have mostly mentioned the many redeeming and positive qualities of your friend.  It seems as if you have had some unforgettable experiences with her.  I understand that she is messy and may have overextended her stay, but you are still being a bit vague about why your emotions are so conflicting.  I know it is hard to bag on friends, but I think it is important that you vocalize these emotions.  

ME.  Ok.  Here goes.  First of all, I had to cancel Emmy's birthday party because of her.  The kids have missed 3 days of school so far and who knows how many more they will miss if she continues to stay. I can see their brain cells slipping out of their ears and poor Emmy is bored when she isn't learning.  Her boredom has been driving me crazy.  And Some days my friend  is just so icy and cold.  She is incredibly unpredictable. Just this morning, I had to pull our trash can up our driveway and then maneuver it down our .25 mile icy street.  She was no help at all and kept getting under my feel and laughing about it. The worst part is that I am filled with terror every time I go in the car with her.  I feel so guilty for being so angry with her sometimes.  

Dr. Blog:  Your feelings are perfectly natural and I am sure that many people have had similar issues.  You obviously have learned that you cannot control your friends behavior. This inability to change an external locus of control is making you frustrated. What you can do, of course, is control your response to her behavior...your internal locus of control.  You need to make the conscious choice each day that you wake up and see that she is still there, to cherish her friendship and to overlook her weaknesses. And make sure you wear your seatbelt. 

 

ME: Thanks for your help Dr. Blog.  I'll do my best. I know our session isn't quite over yet, but I see now that she has made another 4-8 inch mess.  It is easier if I stay on top of it.