Monday, February 25, 2008

SEVEN


My sister-in -law tagged me last week and I supposed to list seven random things about myself . Because it is the season of Lent I decided to celebrate by entering into my own private desert and facing my demons. Or at least just mentioning them. Let's face it, my demons and I have been warring for years without a victory or even a truce in sight. Maybe if I just expose them to the world, I will be just that much closer to spiritual health. My Seven Random things are confessions of My Personal Seven Deadly Sins. And it is obvious that there is a lot more darkness to my soul than I will actually divulge on my blog. I mean, come on. I have a little too much pride to be completely open. Oh, Snap!! Pride is one of the deadly sins.

I will place in these sins in the same order as Pope Gregory the Great in the 6th Century and later by Dante in his poem, The Divine Comedy.


1. Luxuria






My First Lust Crush was on Matt Dillon in the Outsiders in 1983. He was such a great rebellious bad boy with a goey soft center. And those swimming pool eyes! My 11 year old self was in love.

Next came John Stamos who played Blackie on General Hospital. I don't know if I am more embarrassed that I had a crush on John Stamos or that I watched General Hospital. Again, another dark haired bad boy with a smooshy interior.

Brad Pitt in A River Runs Through it seriously gave me heart pangs. Hmmmm. Notice a theme here? What is wrong with me?

So my lust crush on Johnny Depp will be of no suprise, right? The Gypsy in the movie "Chocolate". Wow.

MY PUNISHMENT ACCORDING TO ST. THOMAS AQUINAS: I will be smothered in fire and brimstone


2.Gula



Gluttony
These Cadbury milk chocolate mini-eggs with the hard outer shell and the melty chocolate inside....wait.... Now I am freaking myself out with the hard outer shell and inner sweet goodness. I didn't even plan this. Fellow addicts will know that this particular candy shows up in February and then dissappears five minutes after Easter. There are other things that I have a disfunctional gluttonous relationship with, but these devils are on my mind at this moment in time. As soon as I see these deep purple bags of candy, I go into hyper hoarding mode and buy as many as I can, thinking that they will last until next February. I am lucky if they last until Friday. I actually read somewhere that hospitals ween Cadbury mini-egg addicts off the delicious candy by substituting look-alike mini-eggs filled with crack cocaine and laced with LSD . At least I admit that I need help. Isn't that the first step?
MY PUNISHMENT ACCORDING TO ST. AQUINAS: I WILL BE FORCE FED RATS, TOADS, AND SNAKES.



3. Avaritia



GREED
Bendy Borders. These adorable magnetic creatures are purchased at REI. Some are zoo animals and some are magnetic sport enthusiasts in the midst of snowboarding, climbing, or kayaking. I just can't get enought of them. I have to have them all. In fact, I have a thing for all kinds of magnets. I don't know what it is, but I really have a hard time sharing them. I keep buying them for Ansel, but somehow they are all end up under my bed. I just don't think he cares enough about them. The bendy borders are mostly all mine because I got them for my birthday. Doesn't that mean that I don't really HAVE to share?


ST. AQUINAS'S PUNISHMENT: I WILL BE BURIED ALIVE IN LUXURIOUS OIL

4. Acedia

SLOTH

Oh, and how many hours have I waisted watching and rewatching "THE OFFICE"? Need I say more?
MY PUNISHMENT: I WILL BE THROWN IN THE SNAKE PITS

5. Ira

WRATH

With the weighty issues of Iraq, the coming elections and politics, the frail economy etc. occupying the minds of many Americans, I would like to discuss a lighter topic, one that is nonetheless still very relevant to my life. Canine waste matter. I LOSE MY COOL when I step in dog poop. It happens rather frequently and I am always wearing my shoes with about 80 different crevices in them.
I immediately think of all the things that I can do with the dog excrement to torture the owner that failed to clean up after their pet. Some of these are completely irrational and overzealous.
MY PUNISHMENT: I WILL BE DISMEMBERED ALIVE (I Can't belive that St. Thomas Acquinas was a Saint. He was pretty darn morbid)
6. Invidia


ENVY

This is a picture of my youngest sister in Greece. She has been all over (and I mean everywhere) in Western and Eastern Europe...twice, lived in Italy for a summer, jaunted to Costa Rica for a few weeks, Bungalowed bummed in Hawaii for a summer, and then again a few weeks ago just because she was sick of the snow. I have several other members of my family (you know who you are...in-laws included) who have also been all over the world and have had some incredible traveling experiences. I have crossed the Canadian border multiple times and even when to Tijuana once, so I shouldn't complain, right? I really am trying hard to be happy for all of you that get to travel to the vast corners of this beautiful earth. I desperately attempt to savor all of your gorgeous photos that you bring home with you. But the reality is, I am usually fighting the demons of envy in my head yelling, "It isn't fair. Why couldn't I be the one eating a gelato in the piazza?"


My punishment in Hell: I will be put in freezing water ( that is fine with me, but can it be freezing water somewhere in Italy?)


7. Superbia (pride).
Although pride is listed as number 7, I already accidentally confessed to it in my introductory Paragraph. Plus I hate losing at Trivial Pursuit and can be a sore loser.
My PUNISHMENT: I WILL BE PUT UNDER THE WHEEL (what does that mean?)
CONCLUSION: I assume that you all know me randomly better than before I published this blog. I am guessing that I will see you all in hell.
On a more serious note, I will leave you with Gandhi's Seven Deadly Sins, which I personally prefer.

Gandhi's Seven Deadly Sins
.
Wealth without Work
Pleasure without Conscience
Science without Humanity
Knowledge without Character
Politics without Principle
Commerce without Morality
Worship without Sacrifice

6 comments:

Sharon said...

sorry about the gluttony.....but when I return to the U.S.A. I'll be looking for that candy!!

heylucy said...

I had no idea you were so evil. We should totally hang out.

If watching The Office is wrong, I don't want to be right.

Sijbrich said...

sure you make it sound like you sit around watching hours of the Office while gorging yourself on candy, but then you actually reading and being familiar with Ghandi, St. Thomas Aquinas, and Dante have to earn you a few brownie points, right?

Joal said...

Funny post Vanessa.
Although I have traveled to several countries, I too am becoming jealous of Camille's travels. If we had been able to pull off that biking trip through Austria, I would be content for a few years.
Now we all know of a deep, dark secret: You hates stepping in dog feces.

Dean said...

One word: Brilliant.

Cary said...

I'm on the wide easy path to hell with you, I think I have every episode of the office on my computer for instant access at any moment. Even as a straight man, I still get the Johnny Depp thing. Post house pictures!