Thursday, September 3, 2009

what I do with my new free time....imagination gone wild

Date: May 16, 2025

Larry King: Our investigative reporters tell me that you were Ansel Judd's kindergarten teacher at Wilson Elementary in Spokane, Washington. I know it was more than 15 years ago, but was there anything about him that stood out to you? Were there any incidents or behaviors that would have indicated that he was capable of such a horrific event too shocking to even mention here today? We all shuddered in terror as the details were splashed continuously in the media coverage throughout the world.

Ms. Fuller: Well, it was many years ago, but Ansel is a kid who is burned into my memory. I could tell right away that he was um.....not like the other children. It was beginning of the 5th day of school. I had just settled the willing and eager students on their squares for calendar time when I heard some commotion down the hall. Not wanting any distractions, I continued with our scheduled routine, even though it was obvious that an extremely distraught child was coming toward the classroom. The disruption became unignorable when Ansel erupted into the classroom, screaming, clutching his mother's neck, and burying his face into her shoulder. I had to pry his fingers loose and let him writhe on the floor for a few minutes until he was ready to join the class. Never in all my years as a teacher had I witnessed such odd behavior.

Larry King: And what about Ansel's mother? Do you believe that Ansel's crimes can in some way be linked to the way in which she raised Ansel.

Ms. Fuller: I feel that Ms. Judd had good intentions as a mother, but it was clear that she did it all wrong. I blame this entire thing on the fact that she moved into the country and isolated Ansel from the rest of society. I mean, what kind of mother would do that to a child? This isolationism was indeed the root cause of the destruction that Ansel caused our community. Shame on her.

PRESENT DAY: I now have 2 hours to myself every day. You can observe by the above creations of my warped my mind that I am not using this time as wisely as I should.

(I do have photos of Ansel on his first day of school. I haven't stooped to those depths of poor motherhood. These photos are currently accompanying my camera on a routine cleaning. Thanks to my brother-in-law for supplying this photo in the meantime. )


Kaerlig said...

If consigning Ansel to live in the country (where he is free to explore, tromp, discover, and where he has his own personal forest to play in)is the most damaging of his upbringing, well I'd say you'd have to be a pretty great mother.

Lucy said...

You always find the most interesting ways to report everyday occurrences. What a fun post.

Oh...and he'll be fine! I'm sure all his trouble will be more along the misdemeanor lines:)

marika said...

It may be easier to just have the rest of the class come to your house.

Joal said...

It's funny to imagine Ansel as a super criminal, like a Judd/Porter version of Dr. Evil. But, alas, your vision will not come true, because Larry King won't be doing interviews in 2025. In fact, he might even be dead by then. So your vision isn't prophetic and Ansel will likely lead a very convential life, free of any sort of fun arch villain adventures.