Friday, January 28, 2011

jubilation 25

Emmy needs braces.  Today was her first orthodontic evaluation. Any time we mention braces, her eyes glaze over with reactionary tears.  You are wondering how there could possibly by anything jubilatory about braces or our orthodontist appointment?    Well, according to the orthodontist's assistant, who gave us a thorough run through of the braces experience,  it is going to be FUN! FUN! FUN!.  

Imagine a female Mr. Rogers.  Imagine a mouth that drips syrup and songbirds each time it is opened.  Imagine eyes the color of rainbows.  Imagine a sparkling silver turtleneck.  Imagine someone who gives you full hypnotic eye contact while she is dripping these songbirds, rendering you completely unable to give one another, "can you believe this person is real?" looks.  This was our assistant.   And the fact that someone like this exists is my jubilation of the day.   I am going to attempt to recreate the conversation.   

"Hello Emmy.   We are so glad you are here with us today!  Here are some pictures of your mouth.  It looks like ripping your gums open may have been a teensy bit uncomfortable.  Can you see that pretty blood pooling around your teeth?  And can you see how your teeth are not really cooperating in getting themselves to line up properly?  That happens a lot and that is where braces come in.   They work to help get your teeth to work together.   Are you exited about braces?"

Emmy's eyes well up.  

"Oh, I can see that you are little scared.  But let me tell you all the fun things about braces.  Oh, look at that wishing dust flying in front of my face.  Hold on a second while I try to get it.  {Yes, that REALLY happened.} Sorry for the interruption.  But I am going to use that wish for you to LOVE your braces!!

Let me show you a model of braces.  See all these colorful bands?  Every 9 or 10 weeks, you will come into our office and we are going to change those bands.  Now for the exciting news!  You can choose any color you want from our band template!   It will be like being your very own fashion designer!! You have such a pretty smile, and these bands will make it even prettier!!!!.   And those two years will go by so fast, you won't believe it.  And then you can even choose the color of your fashion retainer!  You can pick neon pink, or sparkly, or rainbow.  That way you won't ever lose it and it will be fun to wear!  "

{Now at this point I am looking to see if Nitrous Oxide is being pumped in through the heating vents and where I can put my mouth to get the full effect.}

"But first we need to make a mold of your teeth, so doctor can make your own special plan, just for you!  They are going to fill your mouth will clay and have you bite down.  You can pick berry, mint, or bubblegum.  It actually feels kinda good and you might actually enjoy it! "

Emmy walks out of the clay room with tears in her eyes.  
"Emmy, are those tears of joy because it was so much fun!" I ask jokingly
"No!  The clay gave me a brain freeze and it was disgusting!"

We walk out and have a good hearty laugh at how ridiculous it all was.  I can't wait to go back!!!

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